The Roaring 20's
What a time to be alive! It's so exciting for me to be 20 something in the new roaring '20s. If you didn't know here's a little nerd fact about me:
I am obsessed with the 1920s, all the movies, music, books, everything. Langston Hughes, Ella Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Peggy Lee, The Jazz Age, Great Gatsby, The Harlem Renaissance, sailor blouses, large-brim cloche hats, silk stockings, furs, feminism. I mean I can go on and on and on about it but I won't that's not what you're here for. My point is, it was such a glamourous time, vibrant beyond belief and overflowing with rebellion. Something new and edgy was around every corner and I feel like that echoes a lot how you feel when you're in your 20 somethings'. You're so full of life and possibility, it practically oozes out your pores. You're convinced you're invincible and you want to do all the things. You should do all those things by the way.
Now I'm in my own roaring 20's (2020 baby) and I plan to take this decade by storm. Thus far I've graduated from college, wrote and directed a film, married my best friend, started a blog and have so many projects I'm working on I can barely keep them to myself. I'm just getting started with it all but first I want to reflect as an almost 23-year-old what I've learned so far. I remember a time when I dreamed of being exactly where I am right now. Only a quarter (barely) of the way through my life have learned a thing or two, about my self, about people and the world.
MARRIAGE
You can have it all. You can be loud and proud and independent and have the most romantic all-consuming love.
When you fall in love with your best friend they're greatest desire is for you to see yourself the way they see you.
it's not my husband's responsibility to fulfill me and make me happy. He's not supposed to complete me, I complete me. I make myself happy. I fulfill myself. Only once I do it for myself and he does it for himself can we come together and be two whole happy people.
There's no right way to be a wife or a daughter. You don't have to give up your passions, or "grow up," make the label mean whatever you want it to.
No timeline is important except for the one you set for yourself. You don't need to do it in order or in a certain amount of time. Have kids when 20, have them when you're 35, do whatever is true to you.
People change, so do you, either get on board or stay on the shore but I promise, the water is just fine.
As long as you seek approval and affirmation from anyone besides yourself, you'll be a slave to others.
Every heartbreak has taught and prepared me for the right person.
Even in a relationship, even as a mother, your first priority should be yourself. You have to make sure that your cup is so full that it spills over and runs all over the place. It's with that excess that you take care of and fill everyone else up. You can't take from your cup, you got to live your life in such a way that you can be full and help others not taking pieces of yourself to patch the ones you love together.
FAMILY
Parents are people too, they're not perfect. They make mistakes and they get hurt and when that happens, pull from your that overflowing well of love and grace they've shown you and give some back. You have enough, you can do it.
Just because you share blood or a last name doesn't mean that they get to be toxic and cause you trauma over and over again. You don't owe them that. You don't owe them anything
All families, everywhere have some form of dysfunction. Water the grass where you are because being a loving connected unit is a choice, it's work, it doesn't just happen
Divorce no matter how old you are when you're parents do it, is traumatic. Don't be hard on yourself for how you feel.
Watching your mother's heartbreak is the most gut crushing thing in the world. It's unfathomable until you witness it, especially as a young woman. But it's also the most inspiring thing to watch her piece herself back together. It makes me fight harder every day to be brave and strong in the face of adversity. As Ariana Grande said, " One day I'll walk down the aisle Holding hands with my mama, I'll be thanking my dad 'Cause she grew from the drama. "
PERSONAL GROWTH
a cluttered space reflects a cluttered mind.
social-media is the highlights of everyone's life, no one is happy all the time I promise. They all have bills and anxieties but no one wants to be that person lamenting about it on the internet.
everything I've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
it's okay to be uncomfortable, lean into that it usually means you're growing. ( can you tell I learned this from yoga)
saying no doesn't make you a bitch. you're not mean or uncompromising, you're just decisive
do what you want, because if they really want to, people will make up shit about you anyway might as well live how you want to. at least then it might be true.
Failure is a lesson, not a state of being. It's not conditional. Failure, like discomfort/pain, is a sign of growth.
Time really does heal all wounds. Life goes on whether you like it or not. Details fade, but feelings don't so if you won't matter in 5 years don't spend more than 5 minutes on it. PERIOD
If it scares and excites you, it's worth pursuing.
College and the Military are not the answer to all your problems, no matter what your parents or society tells you.
Billie Eilish is everything the grungy angst-riddled middle schooler inside me has been waiting for.
All the face masks and bubble baths in the world won't help me if I'm not honest and vulnerable with myself. You have to do the deep healing work or it'll all nothing. How long can you put paint on a cracked wall?
Consistency is key, it seems so small but it changes everything.
Discipline over Motivation: you gotta do it when you don't feel like it. You're never going to always be in the mood for something and if you rely on motivation you'll never be consistent babes.
I'm a fighter, a warrior, a chaotic soul, and a BEAST OF A BABE. I'm so much stronger than I think. I am more than enough
Failing to prepare, is preparing to fail. Procrastination is just a fancy way of saying Self Sabotage
Think long term. It'll help you, Adult.
When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll change.
You have a lot of secret admirers who are inspired by you. If you don't show up for you, show up for them up. You have no idea who you're helping.
Comfort zones are a lovely place but nothing grows there. So get real comfy with being uncomfy.
You only regret the things you didn't do. Very rarely do you regret going all out because at least you know how things turned out, you won't look back and wonder what could've been cause you did it. You already know.
American Culture is so ageist. You're still young boo, you've got time.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. If you must compare use it learn how to get to where you want to be. What is that person doing that's helping them succeed and do that thing you want to do? Now emulate that. Trust me you can.
Don't take anything, including yourself too seriously. life is short, have fun
Friendships
The right group of girls will love on and empower you, not tear you apart.
Vulnerability with the right person creates the most amazing intimacy and in turn reciprocates vulnerability.
Just cause you don't find your tribe in school ( high school or college) doesn't mean it's not out there. Reach out, use social media for good and build relationships with like-minded people.
If the bones are good, the rest doesn't matter. As long as you have a foundation built on trust and honesty, you can survive anything. Thank you, Maren Morris.
Respect your friend's timelines and lifestyle choices. This is such a big thing as we grow up and chase our individual lives and passions. You aren't all going to the same classes or clubs or whatever and that's okay, run your race but make sure you stop by theirs to cheer them on.
Talk to your friends, don't decide what they'll think of you without actually asking them. You might be surprised by just how much they love and support you when you're authentic and honest.
Honestly, if you read this far, I'm shocked as this is a personal post. It's subjective and probably not suitable to be as actual advice but I'm putting it out there. Don't leave hanging in the wind though, Please share your heart-wrenching, life-shattering, mind-blowing life reflections! I want to know, let's be vulnerable together huh?
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