The New Year is upon us! It's the end of a decade, an era and that's pretty big. With 2020 right around the corner there's no time like the present to review and reflect on the past year ( or if you're feeling up to it the past decade) before we start a new chapter.
Why is it important? Why don't we just move forward, make our resolutions and not look back? Because I truly believe our past is important, it's the foundation of who we are, and examining it can give you invaluable information about yourself.
What you gain by resolving 2019
Closure and peace with unsatisfied situations/task
Understanding why you've fallen short of your goals and knowledge of your weaknesses so you can plan properly
Appreciation of what you have accomplished and done right. This builds confidence and promotes growth when facing new challenges. ( Because I promise there's no way you're doing everything wrong.)
You start the new year with the mindset of success and have a game plan to not only start but complete your resolutions.
I personally decided to resolve my year after thinking back on all the things that have happened in 2019. My parents separated and despite what anyone may think, divorce always affects children regardless of age. And on top of that grey cloud, I was also feeling unaccomplished since I haven't had a job since graduation. I was so ready to start the new year and be better than I was currently but in hindsight, I wasn't that bad. I just had to take the time to think about it.
Here's what I did in 2019:
I graduated from college, premiered a film I both wrote and directed, coordinated a dear friend's wedding, I became a Bangs shoe ambassador, accepted a position to teach English in China, traveled all around Texas with my soulmate, and the best part, I GOT MARRIED!
How did I forget all of that?
Well in the last couple of months I've been on an emotional roller coaster which made it so easy to lose sight of my accomplishments. As humans, we're more likely to hold on to the bad things than the good. In fact, in the human brain, it takes 10 compliments to balance out 1 insult.
We're also really bad about generalizing large quantities of things under one label so we don't see our years as both good and bad or full of growth and stress. We pick one thing and stick with it.
Looking back on the year keeps us from generalizing a whole chunk of our life into just "good" or "bad" and lets us see it for what it was, a series of events where we learned about ourselves. Now we take what we can from it, make peace and create space for the new year.
Are you ready? Here's how we do it!
Cut out Toxic Relationships
This one goes without saying, we all see the post and memes this time of year about cutting off relationships that are detrimental and don't serve you. If the person doesn't spark joy when you think about them, it's time to say "Thank You, Next" and keep it moving.
Personally, there are a few majorly toxic people in my life who bring me stress and anxiety more than anything else. If you're anything like me, letting go of people is no walk in the part and you've been holding onto relationships you should've dropped years ago. But here's the thing, not only are they no fun but they're super unhealthy and take up space in your life that should be designated for people who genuinely love and care about you the way that you need and deserve.
Cutting them out now keeps you from worrying about how to in the New Year when you should be spending that time and energy on people and things who are worthy of it. Giving yourself a deadline to do it by will keep it from falling to the weigh side.
Tips: If you're not big on confrontation, write the toxic people in your life a letter, you don't have to give it to them but its a great way to get everything you're feeling, all the things you never said out. It'll help create closure so you can move on
Let go of what doesn't serve you/doesn't spark joy
Whether it's friendships, family members, a job that doesn't satisfy or an overcrowded closet full of clothes you never wear. Be brave and let that shit got. 10/10 would highly recommend watching Marie Kondo's "Tidying Up," on Netflix. And it doesn't even have to be physical/materialistic things that you let go, a bad attitude is just as heavy as that iPhone 4 you've been holding on to and you really shouldn't try to use either of them ever again.
Letting go creates room for new things whether it's that couch you've been eyeing or positivity.
Summarize your year
Write down all 12 months and list 4 things that happened in them, try to have at least 2 achievements/good and 2 disappointments/bad. So if I was doing May, my two achievements things would be I graduated from college and released my short film at a movie theater.
My two disappointments would be my parents splitting up and I hadn't figured out what I wanted to do with my life yet. If you don't have bad things, that's great! Way to go! List something you wish you would've done that month instead, call them missed opportunities. For example, if it was October, maybe you wanted to go to a pumpkin patch or start your youtube channel doing costume makeup.
Now it's great to note your achievements but we really want to look at your missed opportunities and reflecting on why/what kept you from taking them. Maybe you were really busy that month, or you didn't know where to start with your youtube channel. Think about why you missed them and then come up with solutions for how you could've solved that problem.
So if you were busy during October, in the future check your calendar and plan to spend time in September making your videos in advance and then you'd just post them in October. Likewise, with setting up your youtube channel, spend some time researching how it works, my saying is "when in doubt, google out."
Lastly but most importantly, for the bad things like parents divorcing or breaking your leg (things you can't change), whatever may have happened: those are the things you SURVIVED. Yes you babes, you survived, they were hard and they sucked and you made it out on the other side, look at your strength! Pat yourself on the back and appreciate how resilient and determined you are. You have persevered, let that be your fuel in the new year when you face hard things, disappointments, and more challenges. You can do this and when you feel like you can't just look at how far you've come.
Another way to do this is chunking your life into major events and writing your reflections about what happened. Ask yourself, what did it teach you about life, about yourself, what would you do differently? (If you don't like what you did the first time anyway).
Forgive
Often times we have great expectations of ourselves and the people around us. The fact is you're human and so is everyone else and it's terrible to think that we're anything more than that. Forgive yourself for not reaching your expectations/goals, forgive yourself for your behavior, and for not stepping outside your comfort zone or how you chose to handle past situations.
Forgive yourself for all of it and forgive others too, even if they're not sorry (it's hard but you'll be stronger for it). This makes room for you to believe in and be gentle with yourself as you work towards new goals. Often dwelling on past mistakes and failures hinders us moving forward because we fear history will repeat itself. It clouds our judgment, so give yourself a clean slate and open heart. You'll be surprised by how much lighter you'll feel.
I know for me, resolving 2019 has given me both clarity and peace about facing the New Year. I know that one of my biggest setbacks when it came to my goals boiled down to fear. I was afraid of the unknown, afraid of failing and I self-sabotaged myself by not preparing and not giving it my all because I was holding on to my past mistakes. That knowledge empowers me to make smarter decisions, to face my fear and above all prepare, prepare, prepare! I've even cut off toxic relationships which were really hard for me.
I hope this post helps you find closure as you move into the new year but most importantly lets you walk into 2020 with all the confidence in the world about achieving your goals. This is your year, take it by the horns and tell 2019, “Thank You, Next.”
What do you think? Is resolving 2019 before 2020 important to you? Do you think it'll help with your new resolutions and goals?
Viranda Michelle Brooks-Gonzalez
Voted Beat Blog of 2019👏🏽#BrettApproved